Standing By you

I've spent countless nights

Crying over heartbreak

At least

Until I found someone new

At least

Until I found you

Standing by you now

I begin to wonder how

I was sad in the first place

In the presence of your beautiful face

Your grace, it seems

Is the stuff of dreams

Your tender sweetness cheers

And makes me forget my fears

And when I see you standing

Alone at the door

I seethe with desire to walk over

Even more

But your beauty,

The thing that entices me

Is the same

That holds me back

You give me confidence

But make me shy

You calm me down

With intoxicating eyes

Eyes so powerful

Face so divine

I no longer see a reason

Upon loneliness to pine

Standing by you now

If my conscience would allow

I'd hold your delicate hand

With mine own that feels like sand

And like water washes

Over dry, cracked earth

It brings me back to life

A new rebirth

And all this loneliness

And pain are treated

With a sweet smile

And a warm embrace

I forget about my problems

If only for a while

Just seeing you

And your sweet smile

And I figured,

I can't take anymore

I'll walk up to you

Standing by that door

And pour my heart out

With jumbled and confused words

And I won't speak poetically

Nor will I rhyme

Intoxicated by affection

Crushed by common sense

As it holds me back

From sullying purity

Intentions pristine

And your figure agleam

I can't but fall for you

And that is why I write

I write of your

Tenderness and kindness

And intensity of beauty

And your graceful gait

It's not a perfect sonnet

But, standing by you now,

I look at your face, with a smile upon it.

Ascension

I climb ever higher
Up a ladder

This ladder
Of uncertainty

A precarious perch
Upon a thin rung
I've been climbing
Breaking the rungs

As I try and try
And fail and fail
A different ladder
Every time

And now
I aim too high
And this ladder is higher
And thinner

Call me a pessimist
But I don't have a chance
For at the top
Sits that which I don't deserve

I'll call it a crush.
Yes, a crush.

On your brilliant,
Uplifting personality
I'm aiming too high
Probably never'll reach you

Oh,
And I wish I wouldn't
Be attracted to anyone
For fear of being crushed in the end

Falling from
My grand ascension
With a crash
And a bang

Oh, beauty,
I ador thee
For every time
I look at you,

A smile crawls
Upon my face
And I know
Even a loser can love.

A loser
Who brightens
Others' day
At his own expense

I look at you and smile
At this mile-high ladder
And if this poem
Is the first broken rung

I'm sorry I've started climbing.

But by writing this poem
I'm off already
On this mile-high ladder

Because I have a crush on you.
Oh, dear...Not again.

Yes, this is a love poem. I'm too much of a wuss to give it to her. I'd need some moral support to do it... Jeez. I wish this was a tad bit easier. I guess I'll go with the covert approach.

Look!

High School.

Yes, High School.
You trip and fall
And don’t get up

And you’re covered in blood
And depressed and crying
Lying on the floor
Dying

Where young love lifts you
And then throws you down

Come, look, there’s someone
Lying on the floor crying,
Kick him, beat him,
Tease him, hurt him

Your voice is lost
In a chorus of jeers
And a black shade
Covers the faces of your peers

And those friends
Those people dear
To you

Are nowhere to be seen
Thrown into a pit
Of depression, too

Almost like your virtue
Dug that pit for you

Don’t retaliate,
Because their ignorance
Has dug a pit for them

Their bad deeds,
Seeds that they planted
Sprout in flames
They planted these deeds

These seeds of flame
In this pit they’ve
Dug for themselves

Some call it hell,
I call it retribution

Retribution for
Their grave errors

Forgetting that god is there,
Watching, everywhere,

And all these poems
About teenage angst
They’re lame
But all the same

I need an outlet.

So I laugh at them
As they laugh at me
For I know
What they do to me

And all the pain
They inflict on me

In this hell of a place
Called High School

Will someday come around
And hit them
When they don’t expect it

I will look and see
Where they’ll be
When that day
Comes around

When there is no shade,
When they can’t hide
Behind their money
Or pride
Or arrogance
Or hubris

Because that’s all they have.

I don’t know where I’ll be
No, for I too have sinned

Many sins for which I can no longer repent

I can only pray
To live long enough
To make it up to my creator

Look!
Look at me!
I can write poetry!

I want to write
For the right reasons

I don’t want their
Eyes on me

Or to be trapped
In my own vanity
In this hell of a place
Called High School

So I turn to my faith
And wipe that blood off my face

And stand up and laugh
At that faceless crowd

Of people who fall into conformity
Insecure and lost

Because I know
That if I put my trust in god

I won’t be lost
I’ll be confident
And smile at life

And stride on to my salvation
As I serve my sentence
On our earthly prison
I’ll look straight ahead
Look away from the distractions
And pains and tribulations

I’ll try
Not to be
Too metaphorical
Or allegorical

But understand

As I reel
In the depths of insanity
In this hell of a place
Called High School

If I know anything
I know this

These bad deeds
Are seeds they’ve planted
In the pit they’ve dug
With their ignorance

Seeds that sprout into flames
In the hell they’ve earned themselves

If they don’t look back now
And wake up
And stand up
And say

I will change
Sincerely,
I will change.

Look!

There are a billion and a half people

Standing up,
And saying with their chorus of voices
That drowns out the din
Behind them

In their hundreds of tongues
And dialects

“I am nothing
I deserve nothing
In front of my creator

And this pain
And misfortune
That’s befallen me

In this hell of a place
Called reality

Is just a test,
A test for a bail
Out of this earthly prison

As we make our way
Upwards or Downwards

To our fate
Looming in front of us!”

It’s our own choice
A test
With multiple choice questions
With only two options –

A or B

Right or wrong

Forgiveness or Retribution.

Alone

At ten o’ clock at night
When my heart soars
And leaves my brain behind
And my desires and hopes and dreams
Escape from a dark little corner of my mind

They dance around
And make me sad
And remind me that
There’s no love to be had

Sitting here,
Writing all of this down
I wonder if
I could walk ‘cross town

And meet the people
I love so dear
Keep them close
And keep them near

To remind me
That I’m not alone
Though I sit here weeping
In my home

And love her
As if she was mine own
And look back
At how much we’ve grown

I’ve finally
Come to realize
After all the nothings
I soliloquized

I’m young and tired
And trapped in here
And though there are people
To me, are near

Yes, I realized
That I need you
Not to say
I love you

But only to say
That you’re here with me
And make it all
Seem clear to me

No,
I don’t need someone to love
No theatrics with corny music
And pristine white doves

No sweet nothings
Or affectionate words
Nor kisses or hugs or
Love songs to be heard

I admit it.
I’m alone.
An emotion I refused
To have felt or shown

I need someone
To fill the void
Of that special bond
Between girls and boys

Togetherness.

Because I have
No one left,
The valued company
Of which I am bereft

I’m alone,
I’m alone,

I'm alone,
I’m alone.

Looking from Afar

Damn.

Goddamn.

So distant

So far

Watching in adoration

Though I don't really know who you are

Damn.

I've been down this road

Too many times

Ending up writing countless poems

With sadly pathetic rhymes.

Damn.

It's hard to say

"Love"

And of it,

Frankly, I've had quite enough.

I refused to admit

So many times

But of course,

It's half sexual.

Goddamn.

Painful yet it is

To admit,
I love you and hate you
Quite a bit.

Love for your beauty

And hate for it, too

Love for your kindness

And the way you do what you do

I hate you because you're unattainable,

I love you because I'm insane,

I'm insane because I hope and wish

That you would feel the same.