It's Christmas Eve.

I wonder to myself sometimes, if I could ever spend a major holiday with the unattainable. I can jest and joke about it, but will it ever happen? Love isn't easy, and women aren't much better. So complicated, layered, delicate - a guy has to watch himself while trying to charm one. One wrong word - or one missed word - will devastate everything. I'm no Christian, but I know what happens on Christmas. Adults take days off of work to go back home. The kids, during the day, go out and have fun, then come back to eat. As the kids are out, the adults wrap and set the presents. During dinner, Christians (supposedly) say a prayer and feast 'till they pop. For the rest of us, we eat. Plain and simple. Next morning, the kids wake up at 5 in the morning and rip open their presents. America at its best. My focus of interest is what us kids do the morning of December 24th every year. Apparently, we go out and have fun at the mall, at each other's houses, or, in my case, hang out at the gym. Well, what if a kid wanted to break off from old traditions and spend time with the person he was courting? It wouldn't really work. You can't ask that person to break off from THEIR old traditions in order for you to break off from yours. I can take it slow, wait 'till the end of the year. Oh, but how my heart would ache, for that five months buckling in my emotion and attraction towards her. It takes godly patience. How long will it take for me to know whether the feeling is mutual or not - or even slightly mutual. I don't know how much she likes me, and it's tearing me apart. This is no soap opera or cheesy drama. This is my life, and I need to take control of it. I need to better myself for her, because there's always room for improvement. She can't possibly love me yet, as I've known her existence for longer than she's noticed mine. Only so many months ago she figured out who I was and how I behaved. I'm open with my emotions, when is she going to be with hers? I'm not rushing, but I await with bated breath for the day she tells me how she really feels about me, unafraid to hurt my feelings or her reputation. For this I long, and for this I work toward.

What we have learned:
1: Women are onions.
2: Chistmas is the SECOND most American holiday EVER (next to Thanksgiving, the holiday of eating and murdering/stealing from Native Americans).
3: Although openness may not be a problem for you, it might be for your potential lover.

This Is What I Say

This Is What I Say

I've seen them walk by
Every day - but I never ask why -

Why do they walk along
And never say "Hi?"

And as another walks on,
Angrily said I,

"Stride on, will you,
And leave another man to die?"

He stopped by me,
Standing above me so high,

And looked upon me
With an exasperated sigh

Me, With eyes so wet
And mouth so dry,

Sitting poor and dirty
And surrounded by flies

He looked upon me
With strong and determined eyes

Said he, "Why do you
Sit on the streets and cry?"

"I've lost my home
And dignity," said I.

He replied, "Have you ever
Loved a woman with beautiful eyes?"

Said I, "Yes indeed,
But with another man she lies."

He sniffed and said to me,
"We all have our share of goodbyes.

But take hope and know
That old love never dies."

I sat there and thought
Of our love's great size,

But even still forgiving her
Poses a great compromise.

But as I walk through her door
With no other man she lies.

Sitting with an old picture of me
Out of pure love she cries

This is what I say:

Forgiving and Forgetting
Gives way for old love to rise.

#11 6 Hours

6 Hours

Everyday

From 8 to 2,

We're stuck for 6 hours

In a prison built for me and you

6 hours of "education,"

6 hours of deprivation

6 hours of socializtion

6 hours of exasturbation

A bastion of friends

A pit of oppessors

Filled with people

Who THINK they own it

6 hours in hell for me

6 hours for you,

Oh, with stress

And confusion it bears on us

How can I help you?

6 hours in hell.

How can I help you?

6 Hours in hell.

What does it take

To conform to this?

I wouldn't like to know,

'Cause I don't need anyone to lean on

But I need someone to love

In this hell of a place;

6 hours in hell

That consumes out lives,

If only you would let me,

What would you want me to do

To have you fall in love with me?

No subtle hints?

6 hours in hell,

6 hours of emotion,

6 hours of stress

And 24 hours of confusion.

#10 Sick

Sick

I don't want you to be sick of me

So now I ask, what do you want me

To do for you?

Should I stop this nonsense?

Should I leave you alone?

Tell me, please.

I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.

I, myself,

Am sick of myself

I want to look better to you

And feel better around you

Oh, how we differ

In so many ways

Makes me wonder id it'll ever work

In those mysterious future days

'Cause being sweet never works

And being myself doesn't either.

What do women want from us?

What will it take?

I'm sick of falling in love

I'm sick of not being able to control it

Why must I want something so

Impossible to obtain?

Should I wait?

Will you ever fall in love with me?

Are you annoyed?

Or are you sick of me?

Oh, I hate love.

I'm sick of love.

I'm sick of Briarcliff,

But I can't bear to leave it.

I'm sick of my cowardice

Why can't I just sit next to you?

I know I don't deserve you,

And I'm sick of being self-conscious

I'm sick of myself,

But hopefully,

In the mysterious future,

You will come to love me for who I am.

#9: Wisdom

Wisdom

I can say that talking with a counterpart
Gives you a certain wisdom
That cannot be obtained from any other place.

I can say that being in love
Gives you a certain wisdom
And it is so in my case.

I can say that I have loved
While many others can’t,
While feeling privileged to know her
And not just expecting her to return the favor

I can say that I have promised
To be a responsible person
To her, and for me,
Out of love, it’ll be a labor

I promised not to be self absorbed
I promised not to be someone I’m not
I promised that I would be reliable
But not suppressing her independence

I learned that not all girls
Have a closed mind
And an empty, air-filled head
And a cold, hard heart

I learned that even the beautiful
Can be brilliant,
Independent,
And smart,

And outgoing,
Daring,
Considerate,
And stressed,

And troubled,
Insulted,
And be a friend
Or even a best friend

Oh, yes, I can say I’ve loved,
I can say I’ve learned,
I can say I’ve lost,
And that passion inside me once burned,

Writing
And reading
Talking
And leading

Walking
And upstaging
Yearning
And enraging

Caring
And assisting
Loving
And persisting

These are the things that I know
I have done
Or tried to do
And received a sort of wisdom.

#8: Today

Today

Today, you shared something with me.
I can effectively say we’re friends –
And though we have never hugged or held hands
I know that in a way you trust me.

Today, I felt that we were friends

For the first time,
No longer an outsider
And no longer a stranger.

Today, I could relate to you
Having things said behind your back hurts
Trust me on this, believe me,
Because I have suffered this many times

Today, I was the closest to you
Emotionally and physically
Than ever before, and even this
Filled my heart with joy.

Slowly, we are becoming friends,
And today was a great leap,
Today, this was not attraction
This was friendship.

Today, my mental attraction towards you
Overpowered my physical attraction to you
I learned, today, that even someone of such social hierarchy
Suffers what I do, as well.

Today, I discovered a similarity,
Today, I was reminded of a masculine custom,
Today, we were truly friends,
And today, I put childhood behind me

Today, I won a great victory
Over my own adolescence,
For God, and for you,
And put your outside beauty in the back of my head

Today, we were friends.

#6 & #7: Coward & Fantasy (Respectively)

#6

Coward

I used to shy away

From matters of the heart

Though excelling in powers

Of the brain rivaled only

By friends

I never could get a good look at you

In fact, I never even tried

In so long a time

I can't even remember anymore.

Coward am I,

To not walk up to you and say,

"I love you."

Because it's socially unacceptable.

But so is raising your hand

for every question a teacher asks -

Isn't it?

My life is about

Chasing the S.U.

But I cant find the courage

To be direct to you.

Coward am I

To communicate

In poems ill-written

Love's a strong word -

But can I use it in a poem?

Damn right, I can.

I don't know what it is

But I can effectively say

On what I think I know of you,

That every part of you,

Corporeal and Ethereal,

Is beautiful to me -

Your voice

Your smile

Your brilliance

Your bosom

Your eyes

Your hair

Even that smidgen of bossiness

Your humor

Your kind words

That make a lasting impression on me

Your soul - indescribable

I can't even think of a word

That encompasses its depth;

The many sides of your personality

Coward am I,

Not to compliment you directly -

Coward am I, Coward am I, Coward am I.

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#7

Fantasy

I don't believe in fantasy,

Though I might imagine it

In my screwed up head

This is how I see it -

One poem, a statement,

One action, one word,

Would crack you,

I, delighted, have turned you around

I, who struggled long and hard

To make it socially acceptable

To be with you -

But more to be comfortable with myself

You, who had suffered through

Poems ill-written

Would fall in love after so long

After having gone to me for all your problems

I, who has never been in a relationship

Before you, through high school

I never wanted another

Not even once.

But that's all my own imagination

Consider the present situation -

I, a hopeless romantic,

You, a beautiful young woman

You, who stands in high regard

I, who lies at the bottom

Who is afraid of approaching you

And can't find a time to do so

Oh I wish, I wish

There was such a time

When I could talk to you

And you could talk to me

And share our problems

And have a cry,

And sniffle with wet eyes

And give comforting hugs,

And be honest with one another

And know that we're there for each other

And share stories

And laugh together,

And maybe, just maybe

Something will build off of it;

Friends to best friends

And maybe something more.

Once again, this is just fantasy

But oh, how I wish it were more

And every day I don't talk to you

I feel worse than before.

Poems 1-5

Forever is about a year if you've noticed.

Today, I'll present to my two or three viewers the poems I've recently written for a person whose name you don't need to know.

What Would You See?

By Nabeed Hassan

Does the would no longer

Value intelligence?

We realize after so long

That at us no young womanwould ever look

Not with endearment,

Nor affection,

Neither with love

Or even kindness

No, they go after the guys

Who think they're badass

Conceited, taking the world for granted

Laughing at the nerd,

The geek,

The fat kid,

The anomaly,

Backed up by conceited friends

Attracting hordes of stupid,

Superficial women.

Think, for once,

If you looked at the outcast,

What would you see?

If you could look at him

And he could lock eyes with you,

Who would look away first?

Oh, young miss,

Has it ever occured to you

That this outcast

Is afraid of you?

Why is he afraid?

I'll tell you.

It's because he can't imagine

Having a relationship

With popularity and beauty incarnate.

Although her heart is soft,

Considerate,

And kind,

He doesnt know,

And so,

He shuts his mouth and looks away.

If you would perchance

To have read through this in pity,

Drop it.

Kind as you may be,

I don't accept pity-It's worthless to me.

His parents decreed

He should never have

Any relationship outside of the faith

Esteem whittled away so,

He nearly cried, brain surging.

And now every time he looks at her

He nearly cries, brain surging,

Masking pain with a smile

Knowing that he gazes upon

That which

He can never have.

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Poem #2

Gentle Breeze

Oh, this be that lovely day

When the birds are chirping

Love does its work

And leaves a trail of unfulfilled dreams.

When livid flower blossoms

Spring from the young, green

Apple trees,

And when hearts are young

Ant the great yellow sun

Holds a constant seventy-nine degrees

When the busy bodies

Do their work

Like humble little bumble bees

And the aroma in the air

Fresh and green and minty,

From the young mint leaves,

On this lovely day,

I hope and wish

That, like a gentle breeze,

She'll come to me

With her locked up her heart

And hand me the keys.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

#3

'Till I Do Myself Apart

Not a day or night

Passes by

Without me thinking

Of what you think of me.

Upon my waking hour,

I spend ten minutes grinding,

Grinding away at my teeth

With a brand new toothbrush,

Combing my unmanageable hair

And frowning at the mirror

And heading to the gym

And working out till my muscles tear apart

It's not your fault

That I inflict change upon myself

I only want to look better in your eyes

To be better

To SEEM better

To be a better asset to you

In those times of stress

And your time of need

All you need is ask.

Come to me,

I'll offer what knowledge I have

To give you help and consolation

To be a person to lean on,

To be there for you

With your pained and aching heart

I'll be your guardian angel

'Till I do myself apart.

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#4

Tricks of The Eyes

Have you ever seen

That sparkle in a person's eye

When they're in love?

Of course not.

Cheldren know nothing of love.

All physical, hormonal attraction.

Wen you're truly in love

The loved seem more beautiful

Than everything else.

You fill with joy

When you see them

Just to be in their company

I, too, feel lucky

Just to be in your company

And see your beautiful face,

And know that you're

A friend of mine

And know you're not just a trick of the mind,

And hear your voice,

Delicate and lighthearted

And know it's not just a trick of the ears,

And see your beauty,

Radiant among the gray,

And know it's not just a trick of the eyes.

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#5

Understatement

By the rain as it falls

And the water it gives us

And the young green of the leaves

And the deep blue skies above us

By the pulsating waves

And the warm, tan sand

And the migrating birds

Flying quickly as they can

By the wide, open fields

And the sunlight as it tickles your face

And the heron as it circles in the air

With its aerial grace

By the off-white moon

And the trees that climb high

And the great wind above

Letting out a silent, windy sigh

And the subtle glow of the stars

So far away from here

And the air

we hold so dear,

To say you're as beautiful as the earth

Is an understatement.