How Far?

Know you how far we've come?

It's been shy of a year
Since that fateful
Freshman December.

Know you how much we've grown?

I'd entered the realm
Of women for the first time,
And you'd entered the realm of Evil, Me.

I hope and assume
It was enlightening for us both.

Know you how much we've learned?

I can only give you
Half of the story-

I learned volumes
From simply a smile,
A hug,
And a face.

A smile the stopped hearts
When it made its appearance -

Taught me the simple truth
Of the heart behind.

It was happy to see me.

And until now,
I did not acknowledge this;
I was a cynic
And made myself miserable.

Thinking thoughts like,
"Such a smile
Only deepens my pain."
But what pain is there to feel?

A hug that ended
My life as I knew it.
On a December evening - Was it January? -
A wordless embrace killed me.

I was reborn
The embrace spoke novels.
The novels contained
"I love you"
In there somewhere.

Only to be followed by
"As a friend."

Even so - such is the purest love.

The love
Which has no hidden intention.
No sexual connotation,
No malicious intent.

True love is only with friends and family.
Pure, clean friendship -
An embrace that spoke of true love.

A face
That I was once blessed to see every day -
Now helps me to appreciate
This past year more
The days when I saw you every day

Until now,
I took that face for granted
Now that it's gone
I miss it and love the days I'd seen it
For the blessing of seeing that face.

A face that taught me
To value beauty
Before it disappears.

Do you realize how far I've come?

Tell me now, my love, my friend -
How far?
How far have you come?

What I Found On the Ground

A letter,
Yes,
A single letter,
I think.

It was the letter "L."
I think.
Maybe it was "I,"
If you look at it...

I found it scribbled,
Messily on something
On the ground.

Like someone so neglectfully
Tossed it away.
Don't they want it?
I guess not.

Hello?
Anyone drop something?

Boy, it's empty in here.
I don't see anyone.
Or any thing,
For that matter.

Hey, I think there's more written here.
L-O-V-E. "Love...?"

Funny. What does that mean?

Boy, it really is empty in here.

Where is everyone?
I can hear an echo.
No crickets, though.

It's really dusty in here.
But there aren't any cobwebs.
It smells kind of salty.
If feels kind of dry.

Maybe there was once Water in here?

Funny, it's room temperature here.
Where's the air conditioner?
Anyway, let's see if I can find an exit...

Hey, it's getting warmer.

What the hell?

Another little white thing.
Hey this has letters on it, too.

"L...Lu...Lust."
Another funny word.
What do they mean,
"Love and Lust?"

Boy, it's kind of lonely in here.
And hot. It's hot, too.

No one's here, either.
Why was it manageable back there
And unbearable in here?

Ah, my feet. They're bare on the ground...
They're burning up...
This is weird.
I want out.

Hey...this place is new.
It's...woah!
Damn cold here!

Still dark.
There aren't any walls.
it's really freezing.
This isn't good for my body.

Oh, what's this?
Another little white thing?
Who dropped all of these?

This has something different written on it.

"H...Hate?"
Doesn't sound very nice.
I like the other two better.

Boy, it's creepy in here.
And dark.
And cold.
And lonely.
And empty.

Where am I?
Hello?

I guess I only have these little
White things to keep me company.

Love, Lust, and Hate.

My little buddies.
Heh. Buddies.

Huh?
I heard a thump.
There it is again!
And again!
Who's coming?

They obviously can't walk well.
It goes,
Lub-dup,
Lub-dup.

Like they're limping.
I'd better hide...
But where?

Probably can't see me anyway.
So dark in here.

The thumps aren't getting louder.
Just, "lub-dup,
Lub-dup,"
Again and again.

Has it been going this whole time?
I haven't noticed, if it has...

It's too cold in here.
I want to go back to that other place.
I can go back the way I came, perhaps...

What? I've been running for like five minutes,
And it's getting colder?

There's another thing on the ground,
How many of these are there?

"Regre."
Looks like someone
Didn't finish writing this one.

Boy, it's empty in here.
And dusty.
And dry.
And salty.
And lonely.
And freezing.

I like where I found
"Love" more.

Lub...dup...
Lub...dup...
Lub...dup.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.

Dr Mr Evil

Dr Mr Evil stands with pencil near,
Dr Mr Evil stands waiting here.

Dr Mr Evil wonders where you are,
Dr Mr Evil wonders why you're so far.

Dr Mr Evil puts on fake smiles.
Dr Mr Evil will be like this for a while.

Dr Mr Evil is laying on his bed,
Dr Mr Evil is running out of pencil lead.

Dr Mr Evil can't go to sleep,
Dr Mr Evil got in too deep.

Dr Mr Evil releases a sigh,
Dr Mr Evil refuses to cry.

Dr Mr Evil is full of dread,
Dr Mr Evil can't get you out of his head.

Dr Mr Evil hit an all time low,
Dr Mr Evil needs you so.

Dr Mr Evil is staring at a wall.
Dr Mr Evil can't think at all.

Dr Mr Evil is sad that you're gone.
Dr Mr Evil has to move on.

Dr Mr Evil misses you.
Dr Mr Evil hopes you miss him, too.

Departure

And Laura Leaves.
Sweet maiden of Petrarch.

Gone now,
Lost to me,
Forever.
I"m not what I used to be!

So, Wherefore?
Wherefore doth Laura Leave?

Laura Leaves.
She knows not what I feel.
But I suppose it doesn't matter.

Tell me to move on.
Tell me, go on.

"Move on, Lovesick Romeo.
Your Rosaline has left."

Wherefore doth thou
LEAVE?

Dr. Mr. Evil misses you.
Come back.

Like Laura of Old/Evil, I

Ands so the good never see justice.
Because justice is in the mind of the beholder.

Justice is yet to be served.
Though for the good justice is deserved.

Though the lines of
"right" and "fair" are blurry,

And I compose these
Trite words in a hurry,

Call me a cynic,
But one,
Only one,
Refuses to be deserved.

Because she simply does not want to be.
Only to be there to admire,
Like Laura of Old.

She is untouchable and untouched yet.

What happens when the Good is denied
His justice?

Why, the Good becomes Evil.

Why dost the beautiful sweet leave
Evil, me?

I, Evil,
Envious,
Hateful,
Treacherous,
Evil, I.

Why must the maiden of lover Petrarch
Haunt Evil, my mind
With her charm
And absence of it?

Justice hasn't been served.
Not for Evil, I.

Wouldst thou play games
With Evil, my mind?

Right before
Evil, mine eyes?

Dost thou love Evil, me
That little,
Laura of Old?

Into the Wild

I’ve seen it in the sky
As I looked up at it
I’ve seen it in the river
As it ran by me

I’ve seen it in the desert
As I trudged through it
I’ve seen it in the plains
As the wind blew across them

I‘ve seen it,
And it’s beautiful.

I’ve seen it in the canyons
As I looked down into them
I’ve seen it in the woods
As I hiked into them

I’ve seen it in the oceans
As I gazed across the horizon
I’ve seen it in the mountains
As I surmounted and conquered them

I’ve seen it,
And it’s beautiful.

I’ve seen it in the faces
As they looked back at me
And I’ve seen it in their homes
And I’ve seen it in their eyes

And I’ve seen it in their care for me
And I’ve seen it on the road,
I’ve seen it on the tracks,
As trains carry their heavy load,

I’ve seen it,
And it’s beautiful,
Yet I’ve not seen it
In myself

I’ve not seen it in seclusion
Or in the wild
Or in stubborn rebellion
Or in the struggles of the world

It’s frustrating to see
There’s no one around
And that there’s no chance
That I’ll be found

I’ve seen its beauty
Sleeping out there
And through my struggles
And loneliness out here

Through calculations
And philosophies
And literatures
And hypotheses

It’s a sad beauty,
And I finally know what it is.

And sleeping here,
Lonely, lukewarm, and stripped bare –
I’ve finally realized
That happiness is only real
When you have some to share.

This poem is based on a movie based on a book about a college graduate who tried to find happiness by running away from home and hitchhiking across the country to rough it the Alaskan taiga. He ended up dying in an abandoned bus; hungry, sad, and alone. He left his story in his journal, and etched into his leather belt, and hence the book, movie, and now, my rendition of his story in a poem.

Ever More

Sleep, my darling...
For tomorrow,
Your life with the day begins anew,
Again and again and again,
Except for those nights of those fateful few
That don't wake up again
So when you wake up again
Thankfulness is demanded of you
That you lived through the night
Until the first beam of sunlight,
And pray, too,
You'll not die tomorrow as well
To sleep forever more,
Though it's daylight when you fall,
So you'll live 'till another night
And pray you'll live that night, too,
And every night and every day,
Be thankful you all
To what ever power you believe in
And even if not a power
That you're alive each and every day,
And you survived through every night
Each and every rotation of the earth
During your life so far
And ever more, ever more.

The Good Never Win

Can you see it?
A landscape of blue
Now look at it
As I would look at you

I smile at you
You smile back
But with such a curved lip
“Thou hast set me on the rack,”

We’ve brewed quite a friendship
Oh, yes. We’re friends.
A friendship with awkward words
And loose, untied ends

A blue, such a hue
As the color of sadness
But in a parallel, twisted way
A hue the color of madness,

Calm and assertive,
Reserved but not locked,
Such a friendship
At your door would have me docked,

I’m stuck in a corner
From being nice
And being good,
I jumped to a conclusion
Like any sensible person would:

Holding the door
Or helping a person
Or giving compliments
Or fulfilling promises

Never gets you anywhere.
Because in the end,
No one knows I’m there.

I’ll keep holding the door,
I’ll keep helping people,
I’ll keep complimenting,
I’ll keep fulfilling promises.

It’s what nice people
Are made to do, and happen to do
And that’s the only thing
They’ll ever do.

Hold the door.
Help people.
Give compliments.
Fulfill promises.

It doesn’t faze anyone
Such little things go unnoticed
And unappreciated.
Sure, for a few seconds,
They’ll remember.
But I know that,
Before next September,

They’ll move on.
And I won’t.
I thought that good guys never win,
And they don’t.

A nice person makes a good friend
But nothing else
No further does one
Look into a good person.

Because a good person
Is simply a good person
A good guy will never date a girl,
A good girl will never date a guy.

When you break it down
No matter how good of a person
Your crush happens to be
No matter how much talent is given me

They’re still shallow.
They look at your look
And judging this
By the unwritten book

If you’re hot
She’s yours
If you’re not…
She’s not.

Take it from
A fat, ugly poet
Goodness is suicide
Don’t pretend you don’t know it.

I write and strive
And it moves her not
And it turns out
She’s not as good as I thought

So I sit here
While the night grows old
Waiting for my love to rot

I look for other mates
But from my point
I only see more chances
For me depression to anoint

Still shallow,
Still her heart reserved,
Still immature,
Still her beauty conserved,

Yet
Still I think
Still I dream
Still I sink
Still I scheme

Still I see
Still I blush
Still it’s me,
Still I crush

Still I wonder
As he whips off winter’s gloves
With his heart burst asunder
How this good bastard still loves

Because he knows,
And she knows,
Good people are just there

To hold the door,
To help people,
To give compliments,
To fulfill their promises.

Days Ahead

Days Ahead

I look forward to
With bated breath
The moments when one can know
And be known

Be known for who they are
And not what they have.

A talent used for praise
Is a talent wasted on arrogance
Wealth used for fame
Is wealth wasted on vanity

I speak of days
When the ante meridiem
Is brighter

I speak of days
When the burden you have to carry
Is lighter

I speak of days
When you realize that life
Is finite

I speak of days
When the leaders and followers
Know what’s right

I speak of days
When the wealth you have
Is overlooked

I speak of days
When the hostels of love
Are never overbooked

I speak of days
When camaraderie
Brings the world together

I speak of days
When the skies are blue
And there’s lovely weather

I speak of days
When the underdog
Is actually appreciated

I speak of days
When young children
Are no longer emaciated

I speak of days
When teenage angst
Becomes teenage wisdom

I speak of days
When the world unites
Under peace’s holy kingdom

I speak of better days
Days ahead
While there’s still masses
With culture to be fed

I speak of better days
Tomorrow and the next
When we’re no longer
Confused or perplexed

I speak of days ahead
While they’re still there
And I think about what’s behind
Those smiles that we wear

There’s pain.
Then there’s hope.
But in vain
Our hearts elope.

Oh, but that hope is there
Down there somewhere
That’ll come out some day
And it’ll come out in such a way

That moves the world
Just enough
To make it a little better

I’ll try and move the world
By the power
Of my pencil lead

I’ll try and help
Others live to see
The better days ahead.

Standing By you

I've spent countless nights

Crying over heartbreak

At least

Until I found someone new

At least

Until I found you

Standing by you now

I begin to wonder how

I was sad in the first place

In the presence of your beautiful face

Your grace, it seems

Is the stuff of dreams

Your tender sweetness cheers

And makes me forget my fears

And when I see you standing

Alone at the door

I seethe with desire to walk over

Even more

But your beauty,

The thing that entices me

Is the same

That holds me back

You give me confidence

But make me shy

You calm me down

With intoxicating eyes

Eyes so powerful

Face so divine

I no longer see a reason

Upon loneliness to pine

Standing by you now

If my conscience would allow

I'd hold your delicate hand

With mine own that feels like sand

And like water washes

Over dry, cracked earth

It brings me back to life

A new rebirth

And all this loneliness

And pain are treated

With a sweet smile

And a warm embrace

I forget about my problems

If only for a while

Just seeing you

And your sweet smile

And I figured,

I can't take anymore

I'll walk up to you

Standing by that door

And pour my heart out

With jumbled and confused words

And I won't speak poetically

Nor will I rhyme

Intoxicated by affection

Crushed by common sense

As it holds me back

From sullying purity

Intentions pristine

And your figure agleam

I can't but fall for you

And that is why I write

I write of your

Tenderness and kindness

And intensity of beauty

And your graceful gait

It's not a perfect sonnet

But, standing by you now,

I look at your face, with a smile upon it.

Ascension

I climb ever higher
Up a ladder

This ladder
Of uncertainty

A precarious perch
Upon a thin rung
I've been climbing
Breaking the rungs

As I try and try
And fail and fail
A different ladder
Every time

And now
I aim too high
And this ladder is higher
And thinner

Call me a pessimist
But I don't have a chance
For at the top
Sits that which I don't deserve

I'll call it a crush.
Yes, a crush.

On your brilliant,
Uplifting personality
I'm aiming too high
Probably never'll reach you

Oh,
And I wish I wouldn't
Be attracted to anyone
For fear of being crushed in the end

Falling from
My grand ascension
With a crash
And a bang

Oh, beauty,
I ador thee
For every time
I look at you,

A smile crawls
Upon my face
And I know
Even a loser can love.

A loser
Who brightens
Others' day
At his own expense

I look at you and smile
At this mile-high ladder
And if this poem
Is the first broken rung

I'm sorry I've started climbing.

But by writing this poem
I'm off already
On this mile-high ladder

Because I have a crush on you.
Oh, dear...Not again.

Yes, this is a love poem. I'm too much of a wuss to give it to her. I'd need some moral support to do it... Jeez. I wish this was a tad bit easier. I guess I'll go with the covert approach.

Look!

High School.

Yes, High School.
You trip and fall
And don’t get up

And you’re covered in blood
And depressed and crying
Lying on the floor
Dying

Where young love lifts you
And then throws you down

Come, look, there’s someone
Lying on the floor crying,
Kick him, beat him,
Tease him, hurt him

Your voice is lost
In a chorus of jeers
And a black shade
Covers the faces of your peers

And those friends
Those people dear
To you

Are nowhere to be seen
Thrown into a pit
Of depression, too

Almost like your virtue
Dug that pit for you

Don’t retaliate,
Because their ignorance
Has dug a pit for them

Their bad deeds,
Seeds that they planted
Sprout in flames
They planted these deeds

These seeds of flame
In this pit they’ve
Dug for themselves

Some call it hell,
I call it retribution

Retribution for
Their grave errors

Forgetting that god is there,
Watching, everywhere,

And all these poems
About teenage angst
They’re lame
But all the same

I need an outlet.

So I laugh at them
As they laugh at me
For I know
What they do to me

And all the pain
They inflict on me

In this hell of a place
Called High School

Will someday come around
And hit them
When they don’t expect it

I will look and see
Where they’ll be
When that day
Comes around

When there is no shade,
When they can’t hide
Behind their money
Or pride
Or arrogance
Or hubris

Because that’s all they have.

I don’t know where I’ll be
No, for I too have sinned

Many sins for which I can no longer repent

I can only pray
To live long enough
To make it up to my creator

Look!
Look at me!
I can write poetry!

I want to write
For the right reasons

I don’t want their
Eyes on me

Or to be trapped
In my own vanity
In this hell of a place
Called High School

So I turn to my faith
And wipe that blood off my face

And stand up and laugh
At that faceless crowd

Of people who fall into conformity
Insecure and lost

Because I know
That if I put my trust in god

I won’t be lost
I’ll be confident
And smile at life

And stride on to my salvation
As I serve my sentence
On our earthly prison
I’ll look straight ahead
Look away from the distractions
And pains and tribulations

I’ll try
Not to be
Too metaphorical
Or allegorical

But understand

As I reel
In the depths of insanity
In this hell of a place
Called High School

If I know anything
I know this

These bad deeds
Are seeds they’ve planted
In the pit they’ve dug
With their ignorance

Seeds that sprout into flames
In the hell they’ve earned themselves

If they don’t look back now
And wake up
And stand up
And say

I will change
Sincerely,
I will change.

Look!

There are a billion and a half people

Standing up,
And saying with their chorus of voices
That drowns out the din
Behind them

In their hundreds of tongues
And dialects

“I am nothing
I deserve nothing
In front of my creator

And this pain
And misfortune
That’s befallen me

In this hell of a place
Called reality

Is just a test,
A test for a bail
Out of this earthly prison

As we make our way
Upwards or Downwards

To our fate
Looming in front of us!”

It’s our own choice
A test
With multiple choice questions
With only two options –

A or B

Right or wrong

Forgiveness or Retribution.

Alone

At ten o’ clock at night
When my heart soars
And leaves my brain behind
And my desires and hopes and dreams
Escape from a dark little corner of my mind

They dance around
And make me sad
And remind me that
There’s no love to be had

Sitting here,
Writing all of this down
I wonder if
I could walk ‘cross town

And meet the people
I love so dear
Keep them close
And keep them near

To remind me
That I’m not alone
Though I sit here weeping
In my home

And love her
As if she was mine own
And look back
At how much we’ve grown

I’ve finally
Come to realize
After all the nothings
I soliloquized

I’m young and tired
And trapped in here
And though there are people
To me, are near

Yes, I realized
That I need you
Not to say
I love you

But only to say
That you’re here with me
And make it all
Seem clear to me

No,
I don’t need someone to love
No theatrics with corny music
And pristine white doves

No sweet nothings
Or affectionate words
Nor kisses or hugs or
Love songs to be heard

I admit it.
I’m alone.
An emotion I refused
To have felt or shown

I need someone
To fill the void
Of that special bond
Between girls and boys

Togetherness.

Because I have
No one left,
The valued company
Of which I am bereft

I’m alone,
I’m alone,

I'm alone,
I’m alone.

Looking from Afar

Damn.

Goddamn.

So distant

So far

Watching in adoration

Though I don't really know who you are

Damn.

I've been down this road

Too many times

Ending up writing countless poems

With sadly pathetic rhymes.

Damn.

It's hard to say

"Love"

And of it,

Frankly, I've had quite enough.

I refused to admit

So many times

But of course,

It's half sexual.

Goddamn.

Painful yet it is

To admit,
I love you and hate you
Quite a bit.

Love for your beauty

And hate for it, too

Love for your kindness

And the way you do what you do

I hate you because you're unattainable,

I love you because I'm insane,

I'm insane because I hope and wish

That you would feel the same.